It feels so weird to be writing here right now, but it also feels like I’m home. I honestly never thought I’d be back here. I didn’t even know the blog was still here, and then when I found it I wasn’t sure I’d be able to log back in. I lost all of the content I moved over to my new blog site that was linked to my personal chef website, but still have all of this, and that makes me surprisingly happy.
So where have I been? What have I been doing? Why am I back here?
Such good questions. I don’t even know where to begin. I had a baby and then I got involved in direct sales and totally fell in love with it, then I had another baby. During all of that I lost my passion for eating healthy and I also thought I lost my passion for cooking. People would ask me about it and I would just brush it off. That was my “old” life. This is my new life. I’m a work-from-home mom of two amazing kids and I’m so busy building my empire that I don’t have time for cooking and blogging or being healthy.
Doesn’t that just sound completely crazy? That’s really how I felt though. I was so passionate about cooking and being healthy and I wanted so badly to turn that into my “job,” and when it didn’t happen the way I wanted it to I just slowly got more and more discouraged, and then I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly continue pursuing it while being a full-time working mom. I just didn’t have the mental capacity for ALL the things, and direct sales was making me more money than cooking ever had. I felt like that was a sign, so I stopped.
Don’t you just love the journey that life takes you on? If you had asked me at any point in my life, even right now, “Five years ago, is this what you imagined your life would be like today?” The answer is always no. Always. I imagine I’m not alone in realizing that I spend so much time planning for and worrying about the future, and no matter how much I plan or worry it never turns out like I think it’s going to.
Sometimes I get really sad when I compare my life to other people’s. People who waited to have kids until they were older, who saved their money better, and who got to spend years traveling and doing exciting things. It’s easy to think that other people’s lives are so much more exciting. When I look back on my life and what I’ve done so far, even though I haven’t accomplished any of the big things I thought I would have liked to by the time I turned 33, I’m still really proud of all the things I have done and accomplished. I’ve gotten into a really bad habit of thinking that I’m not good enough and it’s fucking exhausting.
So I’m back here. I don’t really have a plan, it just felt like it was time to come back. I love the journey I’ve been on and where life has taken me, but I really kind of miss the girl I was. I’d like to try and find her again.